So this weekend I saw the movie Top Gun for the first time. I don’t know what took me so long to see it considering young, hot Tom Cruise is in it. And young, hot Val Kilmer. And young, hot guy who I don’t actually know his name, but he turned out to be the bald guy from ER. And a few other young, hot guys who quite obviously want to BONE THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER!!!
How is this movie categorized under ‘drama’ and not ‘homoerotic gay fantasy fiction’? It’s literally the gayest thing I have ever seen.
To prove my point, here is a pictorial I’ve put together with Top Gun’s gayest moments:
The volleyball was always shirtless.
What better way to release the sexual tension between you and your fellow airmen than to play volleyball together? Like I get it, you need some exercise, but why was everyone almost naked? And why did they touch so much when they were celebrating something?
They were in that change room a lot.
For guys who really did nothing but go to class that consisted of sitting stationary at a desk in an air conditioned room, they sure did find a lot of excuses to strip down and hang around the locker room.
This
looks pretty gay.
Maverick and Goose were clearly in love with each other.
I don’t know many hetero guys who tell other guys ‘You are my family.’ Yah girlfriend, he’s your family because you want to marry him and adopt little Asian babies together.
The only time a guy has approached someone singing karaoke…
was immediately followed with the two of them having gay sex.
They were all in the navy.
Which is basically the only proof I need.
Now don’t get me wrong, I loved the movie, but if it’s not supposed to be a gay love story, then they did a lot of things wrong. Mainly being you named your movie TOP GUN. That title is straight out of the gay porno section at the movie store! If you cut all the gay parts out of Top Gun, you’re left with the theme song and the ending credits. Top Gun is totally gay.
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